Eff them All {An Ode to my Sister}

When we are young, stupid and free…

We do young, stupid things that free people do.

Perhaps all three things are synonymous.

Young: having lived for a short time

Stupid: lacking intelligence or common sense

Free: not under the control or in the power of another; able to act or be done as one wishes

My sister is all three. Don’t take it as an insult. All I’m saying is that she has some growing and learning to do. My mother, as most mothers of West Indian descent, has a saying. “Those that do not listen must feel.”

And Jin has a lot of feeling to feel.

In the last year, my sister has gone through some growing pains. She’s made decisions that we haven’t agreed with and tried to turn her from. But everyone creates their own path. They can choose to learn from the mistakes of others or their own mistakes. A few months back, she decided that she was going to get dreadlocks.

Now, when I tell you that my baby sister has the most beautiful hair… I know that you must think I’m saying this because she’s my sister, but no. She has the type of hair that she washes and combs and then it sets into perfect waves. Dark brown with natural brownish-red highlights. Grows quickly. Soft to the touch. Shiny and healthy.

She has hair like a romance novel heroine. You know that I know that you know what I’m talking about. Princess Clarinda hair. Lady Isobel hair.

Therefore, I am more than sure you can understand the horror that crossed my face when my mother informed me of what my dear sixteen year old sister was intending to do. Dreadlocks?!

I actually love dreads. I have a few family members that have dreads, that I helped to begin and maintain. I have seen more than enough sexy men and beautiful women with them. My brother has them.

But I know my sister. I know that she can’t go more than two days without washing her hair because then she doesn’t fully feel clean. I know that she likes to do her hair in different styles, including straightening it. I know that, despite what she says, her hair is her pride and joy.

So you know that she went and got the dreadlocks.

I will admit. It didn’t look bad. It was actually quite pretty. But then, Jin is a beautiful girl. Anything will look beautiful on her.

Like I said, this was a few months back. Cut to present day. She got tired of the upkeep. Having to get her hair done all the time. Her hair looking sometimes unruly, because that’s what happens when you’re just starting out. The point is, she tried a thing and it didn’t work out. You live and learn right?

Well, her lesson isn’t over.

With dreadlocks, your hair is literally binding itself together. The ONLY way to get rid of them is to cut them off. ALL the way off. Meaning, you had better hope that you have enough hair grown out at the roots, otherwise you’re going to have something reminiscent of a caesar.

Indulge me, if you will, and imagine how she must have felt when she realized she couldn’t simply comb the dreads out.

How she cried because she realized that her hair was going to be the shortest it’s been since she was two years old.

How she contemplated getting extensions and a “really good weave.”

How my mother’s and my heart broke for her, even though we both tried to warn her against it.

Imagine that it was your beautiful sister saying, at sixteen years old, that she would be ugly. Because her hair was her beauty.

Imagine.

Yeah…

I’ve been there. I still cringe every time I get my hair cut. I have this underlying fear that I will look like a boy if it’s too short. Which is hilarious because I have the biggest boobs ever, but that’s another matter altogether. My mother has had short hair for years. Styled in what many would say is a “boy cut” (not to be confused with a pixie cut).

The point I’m making here is that we are beautiful women. We should be confident in that. The length of our hair, the size of our waists, and the price of our clothes, do not make or break us. However, we come from a place where everything is skin deep.

Acne? There’s a solution for that. Still have acne? Well! There’s something wrong with you!

Size 10? Exercise you fat ass! Double digits are not acceptable! There’s no such thing as too thin. 

You work for $25,000 a year? Explain why you can’t afford the newest sneakers that cost more than your rent. I mean, other people can do it. Priorities!

We’re all so busy trying to keep up with the other, that we are losing who we individually are.

So I had to let her know. As her sister, I can call her a brat and talk about her ass being bigger than mine (which isn’t true, but I’m allowed because she is my sibling and the relationship would be off if I didn’t demean her. I kid! But not really.). I can tell her that she looks a crazy mess in the morning and I KNOW she isn’t wearing THOSE shoes.

But that’s because she already knows that I love her. And she takes what I say with a grain of salt. That includes when I tell her she is beautiful, more beautiful than these little girls running around with pounds of makeup on their face trying to get themselves to be even a quarter as beautiful as she is. She is smart, smarter than half my friends and she hasn’t even gone to college yet. She is kind, going out of her way for a puppy that wriggled it’s way outside of the neighbor’s fence.

The advice she listened to?

Eff them. Everyone who has a problem with how you look simply because you decided to get dreads. Everyone who has something to say about your new short ‘do. Everyone who thinks that you need to lose a few pounds. Or put on some makeup. Or wear certain clothes. Or go to school for certain things.

EFF THEM ALL.

Do what you have to do to be happy. Be around people who lift you up, because sometimes you need a boost to get off the ground. As for your hair, it will grow back. Do I think you need a weave or extensions? Hell no! You carry that short hair cut! Show them how a mature young woman looks. Either way, do you. If someone has a problem with you, more than likely they have a problem with themselves. Let them figure out their own lives. High school will be over in a year, college will be over in four. You will see these people in a few years and struggle to place their faces. 

Turns out, when she went to get her hair cut, she had enough hair that was unlocked to get an adorable asymmetrical bob. Perhaps the situation wasn’t as dire as I believed.

Did she cry? Yes.

Did she survive? Yes.

Does she look good? Yes.

Did she learn a valuable lesson? Oh, I really hope so.

And by lesson, I’m not talking about her hair. Hopefully she actually listened to what I said. Eff them all. Except for me, of course. I mean I am her sister. There’s a sibling clause.